The M Word

Wow! Almost three weeks have gone by. I can hardly believe it. It seems like so much has happened in that time, but everything has stayed the same.

The dishwasher - We still have Old Faithful. The reality of Black Friday hit Mr M. That and the food hangover from Thanksgiving. I think my family took a daylong family nap, while I worked harder than I have been in a long while. We might have to wait until after Christmas for this. Mr M will probably plan on going on the 26th, only to chicken out at the last minute.

Work - It was exhilirating and exhausting. It all worked out for the good. But I'm glad to be back home and to get my life back to 'normal'.

Number 2, my son age 9 -He has been struggling at school. He has a history of being bullied, teased and threatened. We have put many strategies in place help him succeed. His school work and behavior has never been better. Today I got an email from his teacher, he has been sneaking into the school office offering to help out the secretaries during recess. The problem is that he refuses to wear a coat and then complains that he is cold. Every morning I send him off to school with a coat on. We had a discussion about this tonight that went something like this -

M- Why don't you wear a coat at recess when it's cold out?

2- Dunno.

M - Try again. Mrs S emailed me that you don't wear a coat, complain that it's cold and sneak into the building to get warm.

2 - Dunno.

M- Is there something wrong with your coat? It's warm and you picked it out.

2- Dunno.

Mr M - Tell your mother why you won't wear your coat.

2 - (As he bursts into wailing dramatic sobs) %$*(# called me fat. All I care about is Fashion. I can't be fat and love Fashion.

Mr M - Are you serious?

2 - Fashion is my life. I love it. THAT COAT IS NOT FASHIONABLE! I simply cannot wear it.

Many people have told me that Two reminds them of the son on Ugly Betty. I have seen a few episodes and I believe that they are right. We tried to reassure him that we love him and staying healthy is what is most important. He is not fat just a boy who is a slave to fashion. By the way for Christmas we got him this Jacket. I think he will be happy on Christmas morning.

Number One - Since August we have been dealing with her "seizures". I only quote them because the do not appear like seizures. I have started to call them "episodes" or blackouts. She checks out but continues to do whatever she is doing, like riding a bike of playing the piano, but has to memory of whatever just happened. Sometimes it lasts a few seconds sometimes many minutes. She has had several types of EEGs. 2 days ago she had what I think is the worst test we've been through yet. A SleepDeprived EEG. It is exactly what it sounds like. She was not allowed to have more than 4 hours of sleep and could not sleep past 4am. The thing is I had to stay up with her the whole time trying to keep her awake. The most fun was the check in at the hospital, waiting for 30 minutes to see the nurse. We were like two strung out stoners comatose in the waiting room. I was not at my best as I tried to convince the poor information desk volunteer that there should be a separate checkin for the sleep derived tests. I don't think she got my point, but it felt better to get it off my chest even if it didn't make much sense. We should know more this week about the test results.

Knitting- My knitting group took a field trip today. It was fun and relaxing to just hang out. I haven't seen these ladies in awhile so it was good to see everyone. I am going to knit the new Mission Falls mittens for Three. I am using Debbie Bliss' Cashmerino Aran. They should turn out pretty cute. I'll try to post pictures if I can figure that out.

Tomorrow I have the house all to myself. I am looking forward to cleaning the house, and finishing up the Christmas decorations. The peace and quiet will be heaven. I can hardly wait

An Open Letter of Apology

Dearest Internet,

I am sorry to have ignored you for so long. I have been busy, my kids have been busy and my house is a recognized disaster area, side to side, top to bottom. The kids have eaten too much mac and cheese, and watched too much TV, and not showered enough. The dogs, guinea pigs and birds have not yet recovered from the melee of 6 off the hook kids and a parade of clueless babysitters. But we are on the road to recovery. I can see the light at the end of this tunnel.

I promise to write more often. I promise to write before I become incoherent from the minutia of the day. I promise to do better.

Hugs and kisses and much love,

M

PS - All of the above is true AND I don't have to work on another project until mid-Jan. Yeah!

Dishwasher

We need a new dishwasher. Desperately.

Our dishwasher is about 18 years old and falling apart, as well as falling out of the cabinet. You can only open one drawer at a time or the whole thing tips over. About a month ago we decided it was time to bring "Buy a Dishwasher" to the top of the To Do List. Mr M carefully kept all of the appliance coupons that came in the mail, he decided we should go to Sears. We've always had good luck there.

One day Mr M hands me the 15% off coupons and tells me to go get what I want. Great! But life gets in the way and I never quite got around to it.

Yesterday, he called Sears to find out if they were going to have any upcoming sales to look out for. The nice lady on the phone told him there would be some fabulous sales on Black Friday. Black. Friday.
Yes the day after Thanksgiving.

At dinner he actually brought up the subject of going to the mall at 7am on Black Friday to BUY A DISHWASHER! WTF! It was like conversation whiplash - a trip to the mall, getting up at 7am, shopping on the busiest day of the year! I asked if there was something I should know, like he's on crack, drunk, crazy or all of the above. He insists this is the way to go. A man who hasn't been in a mall since 2003. A man who hasn't done any, not even his own, Christmas shopping in 9 years. He will be there at 7am on Black Friday.

I have to work on Black Friday (no, not in retail) so I'm going to leave the appliance shopping to the Mr. Wish him luck fighting off the ladies for all the bargains. Who knows, in his quest to save a few bucks we might actually get a deal.

Split Personality

Sometimes I feel like I am two completely different people. In my past life (Before Kids), I worked in a field that was filled with charismatic, artistic and larger than life people. Many days we were busting at the seams with laughter, all my friends came from this fringe community. It was a freelance, on the move, unconventional lifestyle filled with celebrities, wannabes, and regular folks just loving what they did. All that worked out great when I was in my twenties and just married. In fact I met and later married Mr M during this period of my life. I loved it. I was good at what I did, and finding work was never a problem. I worked hard and worked often many times juggling 3 or 4 projects at once. I was very proud of all my accomplishments.

Eventually, I burned out. The joy, exhiliration, and love for my job turned me into a bitter and angry person. I had to really work hard to pull myself out of the dark hole of depression to get to work and not bite someone's head off. It was now a love/hate relationship with my career and unfortunately some of my old friends. It was during this time that Mr M and I found out that it was unlikely we would be able to get pregnant. Talk about pouring salt into a wound! As we started the adoption process our friends were extremely supportive and helpful. When we did adopt they embraced us all with open arms. Unfortunately very few of these people had children so eventually we just grew apart. I stopped taking gigs and they stopped calling. We would see each other now and then, enjoy a few laughs both old and new. Never with any regularity.

Now 7 years later, Mr M and I have created a wonderful new life, complete with children and a house in the suburbs. I have learned to make boundaries for myself and stick with them. The most important is the ability to say "no". It is very flattering to be asked to work on great project. Ego stroking is always good. But I love saying "no thanks" even more.

Some gigs I have just done for so long that saying 'no' can be awkward even offensive to certain people. Today I had two different meetings for two different gigs I am working on. As I drove to the meetings there were butterflies in my stomach. I was excited. I was looking forward to the chemistry. The meetings went fine, there were laughs and snarky comments all around. As I drove home I felt myself becoming depressed and quite upset. All is okay while I'm there, but changes as soon as I leave. I can't figure out why I keep going back to these jobs. I become someone else that is so very far away from the person that I am now. It feels fraudulent and I don't like it. My therapist once told me that I should be grateful and proud of the skills that I have. Just because you are good at something does not mean that you are required to like it or do it.

I like the life I have now. The kids are all doing great and have made some very special friendships, my friends are genuine and real. Our family has besome part of the community. It feels good not have to worry about all the baggage that comes along with that old lifestyle. It's more that just growing up. It finally feels right. The contrast between the two is so vast that I feel like a split personality, good/evil. It really wears me out. I am pulling out all of my old wacky coping mechanisms to help get through the next few weeks. I look forward to things getting back to normal. Wish me luck. I'll keep you posted.

Switch Witch

We made it through Halloween day with minimal tears, and the greastest solution to candy disposal. Ever.

In the afternoon Silly and I were setting up one of the many "Harvest" parties that the kids had at school. Heaven forbid we call it what it is. Halloween. Costumes, spiders, candy. No "Harvest" here only Halloween. But that's another post for another day. Anyway, this mom that was there told us about the 'Switch Witch'. We had never heard of such a thing.

The Switch Witch works like this. On the night after Halloween the kids leave their candy on the front porch for the Switch Witch. She collects the candy and delivers it to under priviliged children or to children that are unable to trick-or-treat. She leaves a present in place of the candy. We changed it a bit by letting the kids eat all they want on Halloween night. Then they carefully bagged what was left and set it out.

I had all six kids stay the night on 11/1. There was much debate and second guessing but FINALLY they all decided to leave their candy out. The Switch Witch came and left them each a present. (Luckily I have done most of the Christmas shopping, so this was all quite easy I just needed to remember where everything was hidden.) Needless to say they were all thrilled. Almost missed the bus from playing with their stuff. It was too much candy to eat anyway. Less temptation for us grownups in the house. I only ate one piece of candy. Yep, only one. The candy is now in the trunk of Mr M's car for him to dispose of at work. He'll probably give it to his students. After all, it would be a shame to let all that good chocolate go to waste.

I love the Switch Witch. Next year will be even better.

(P.S. - Thanks Silly for the link.)

Halloween Confessional and Ramblings

I have something to confess. I don't like Halloween all that much. I know it rivals Christmas in popularity, even my kids like it better than Christmas. At least that's what they told me last night on Halloween eve. This time of year I have to remind myself that this about them for them.

They love getting dressed up and getting scared. The pumpkin patch and carving is high their lists of 'holiday favorites'. And then there is the candy. Oh yes, the candy. After trick or treating I always let them eat as much candy as they want, or until they get sick. The next day we dole it out a little at a time until it's gone or forgotten about. I can't tell you how many times I've thrown out bags of forgotten candy months after Halloween. There is a street on our block that is decorated with skeletons, headstones, cobwebs and blood. Lots of blood. Every year he adds more details. The kids wait with eager anticipation to see what new additions are made. Last year they could only look at it form the end of our driveway in the daylight. It was that scarey. They were all too scared to go up there on Halloween. This year they all assure me that they are brave enough to go. Even the cousins. I'll believe it when I see it. They did surprise me with the haunted house on Sat night. Only #3 went through once. The others became braver each time they went through it. It helped that their BFFs were there to share in th scarieness of it all. It was all they could talk about yesterday.

My favorite Halloween memory is when Mr M and I were first married we lived in a not so good neighborhood. It was one of those neighborhoods that we were told was 'on the rise' and 'turning over.' The people across the street never got the memo. Social workers from SCF were frequent visitors. The two little girls were so sweet. They were 3 and 5 and desperate for attention. That summer I would sit on our porch with our new puppy and they would come over and play. We would talk and giggle. That year I got them each the biggest Hershey bars I could find. They were absolutely delighted when they came to my door in their rag tag costumes and saw what I gave them. They had never gotten anything like this before. Their smiles were pure happiness. It is such a joy knowing something so simple can bring so much pleasure to someone.

After looking back on all of the pain-in-the-ass pumpkin carving (Yes we do carve those complicated Pumpkin Masters patterns. They are really cool, and worth the trouble.), all the candy I have to buy and try not to eat, and the costumes that are cobbled together in the wee hours the night before. I have to remind myself that the joy in this holiday is creating memories for my kids. That the simple things like picking out a pumpkin, making a costume or decorating a window, will create a wonderful memory for them. Hopefully one they will want to recreate with their kids.

Updates

Time sure has flown by around here. It seems like just yesterday was 3's birthday. The birthday party was a great success. It was a Laser Tag party. I was a little skeptical that 3 was coerced into having her party there by her older brother. But she LOVED it much to my surprise. All of her little friends were too cute wearing the gear and strategizing about the best way to get the big kids. Meanwhile, I took the whole thing quite seriously and got a fair amount of pleasure shooting all of the kids running around. I'm WAY too competitive, ask my family about Apples to Apples Easter 2004. I have been banned from large family games ever since. Anyway Laser Tag was defintely the way to go. I predict many more birthday parties there in our future.

Parent Teacher conferences went well this year. The teachers all seem to really understand and connect with the kids this year. Better than last year, the-grade-that-shall-not-be-named, that's for sure. 2's ADD symptoms seem to well under control. He is enjoying school for the first time in a long time. 1 is like totally like having like an awe-some time in 5th grade. (Yes 'like' is her new favorite word. I thought that went out in the eighties). She is really entering into her 'social phase.' 3 is doing as 3 does. Making things look easy and moving through life on her terms.

Cheerleading is over for the year. It was bittersweet this year. A BFF and I worked together to coach these girls. In the beginning they were a group of misfits who blossomed into a tight squad. We were a small squad, but I was very proud of their performance overall. They came a long way over the last few months. I'll miss seeing these girls on a regular basis. Hopefully next year we can work something out.

The Cashmere sweater......hmmm. This is not turning out very well. I hesitate to mention it, but it will come out eventually. I don't think I like it very much. The color is not to my liking. The pattern is not very interesting. And quite frankly I'm bored. I always try to finish these things that I commit to, so....I'll finish it then rip it out and wait for the next idea. Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't. You never know when you will end up with a happy mistake.

Now we are off to more lessons and getting ready with projects to keep busy in the winter months.

Laundry

Last week in a moment of impulsive shopping I purchased this. Yes dryer balls. Who knew such a thing existed?! But I will have environmentally-friendly, softer clothes for pennies. I am such a geek for getting a big thrill out of this.

Many years ago when Mr M and I were first married we both worked at night alot. It would take us a few hours to unwind, and we'd usually watch TV for a bit before heading off to bed. Usually at 12-2am there would be these fabulous infomercials and paid programming that made everything look so easy "in 3 easy steps." We did a bit of binge shopping and purchased or got 'free' many of those things "As Seen on TV." We couldn't pass up those great bargains. Everything looks fabulous and easy when seen through sleep deprived eyes. Our current garage is living proof of this pursuasive advertising.

Anyway, I thought we had mended our ways. That is until last week. In an effort to fool myself into thinking I had less laundry to do. I decided to just wash larger loads. Nothing gets completely dry the first time through and I usually have to dry a load 1 and 1/2 times, but I'm not willing to give up on the 'idea' of doing less laundry. So I bought these dryer balls, and you won't believe it..............................
but they really work! Honestly. Truly. I'm so excited!!

I love it when things work the way they are supposed to. This is one thing that will not end up in the garage, that Mr M affectionately calls The Hellpile.

A Birthday

Today dear, sweet #3 turned 8 years old.

#3,

You are a special little girl. So thoughtful and caring. The last 7 years have flown by. Daddy and I still remember the day we met you for the first time. It seems like yesterday, we walked into your foster home. As soon as we made eye contact you reached out your little arms and our hearts were instantly connected. You and your brother and sister made our family complete.

Many times I have been amazed at your maturity. You can look into my eyes and it feels like you are looking deep into my soul. I can't wait to see the places you'll go. Today you told me you wanted to be a pet vet or a brain surgeon. I am excited for your future, I know you'll do great things.

Your giggle is infectious. Your fashion sense is eccentric. Your honesty is wonderful. Your humor is silly. Your kindness is inspiring. Your ability to make things look easy is amazing. Your friendship is supportive. Your wisdom makes you wise beyond your years. All of these things are what makes you you.

Thank you for letting me be your mommy. Every day I am grateful for having adopted you.

I love you. XOXO.

M

Mimi

Mimi is my new name.

#6, my niece, calls me mama all the time. Her mother for all intents and purpose is MIA. I spend more time per week with them than she does. It can be confusing for young children to navigate all the grown up relationships.

When I dropped of 4, 5, and 6 off to their 'mother' last week, 6 clung to me crying mommy, mommy, mommy. She was torn from me without so much as a goodbye, although there was plenty of negativity to go 'round. Poor little thing was so flustered and confused. After talking with my brother we decided to call me Mimi. Now it's just a matter sharing it with the kids.

We all work so hard not to say anything about Her in front of the kids. She has already turned 2 of them against her. I want them to grow up and come to their own conclusions. I don't want them to think I am trying to take her place. I don't want them to think I don't like her. I don't want them to grow up thinking her choices are okay. I just...don't.

So for now I'm Mimi.